“As carers, we all have off days, times when it all gets too much and when the demands from those we care for are too great – however much we love them. The important thing is not to feel guilty about feeling that way. It’s really ok.”
Sound advice from carer Joanne McCafferty. Joanne has been the primary carer for mum Joan for almost six years. Joan suffers from multiple comorbidities.
She was coping well until five years ago when a fall at home resulted in a broken hip which required surgery and lengthy hospital stay.
Joanne explains: Mum was getting back on her feet quite nicely and then six months into her recovery, she blacked out and fell again, breaking the other hip which needed more surgery.
“Her mobility really started to decline from that point and her breathing difficulties got worse. It was around that time she was placed on palliative care.”
Joanne continued: “Mum flatly refused to have outside carers in the house and so as an only child, it fell to me to do what I could to look after her.
“I’m there at her home most days of the week – cleaning, organising, shopping, sorting medication, making appointments, talking her out – and as every carer knows, it can be pretty intense and time-consuming.”
It was Joan’s GP that suggested contacting the hospice to see what support they may be able to provide.
“I thought it was a great idea but when I mentioned it to mum, she was horrified! As soon as the word ‘hospice’ was mentioned she assumed the worst, mainly because dad had passed away there after five weeks as an inpatient.
“Eventually, we persuaded her to attend one of the Living Well days and she’s never looked back. It’s always the highlight of her week: she looks forward to it so much. It’s a rare opportunity for her to get out of the house and spend time in different surroundings with new people.
“But it’s so much more than that,” Joanne continued. “The Living Well sessions give her the opportunity to have normal conversations with people without focussing on ailments and problems
“She enjoys all the activities too: the chair exercises, flower arranging, quizzes and the music therapy and visits from the therapy dog. Lunch is always a highlight. She now has nothing but praise for the place and everyone involved.
“Because there are always professionals around, mum can ask questions or raise any concerns she might have and while she’s enjoying her sessions, I can relax and have a few hours to myself knowing she is really happy.”
The hospice’s Living Well sessions have been as life-changing for Joanne as for her mum.
“When you’re a full-on carer with all the pressures that come with that role, being asked how you’re feeling and how your week is going is really special. That what you get at the hospice, every time I bring mum in. Whether it’s the lovely volunteers on reception, the café team or the nurses and managers, everyone is so genuine, friendly and supportive.
“The hospice’s Carers’ Course so brilliantly run by Jill Cox was really valuable. It felt like such a safe space and gave me an opportunity to talk to other carers. Even though our circumstances are all different, you realise you’re never on your own.
“During the seven-week course we were able to access lots of information about Wills, Power of Attorney and other important aspects, all of which designed to help us cope that much better. I particularly enjoyed the reflexology and massage that I have been offered by the hospice’s own therapists. It was an hour just for me and that was wonderful.
“The other carers on the group and I enjoyed each other’s company so much that we decided to get together independently once a month for coffee and a sandwich. Those new relations mean a great deal to all of us.”
Joanne added: “The extra support we have been able to access from the amazing hospice team has made such a difference to both mum and to me. It really has been life-changing.”